Saturday, December 22, 2007

Firsts

1. I just got a new cell phone. My old one was this overpriced piece of crap and when you called me it sounded like I was in the middle of a tornado. So I went to Verizon and, in exchange for promising to pay them an exorbitant monthly fee well into my thirties, they gave me a new phone for free.

Get excited.

The woman at Verizon was really nice, but she couldn't change transfer my contacts from my old phone to my new phone - I guess she was missing a cord? - so when I got home I went through my old phone manually. I just transfered the necessities. Mom, Dad, friends, etc. It was kind of fun, my new phone has a QWERTY keyboard that I just love, but then I got to the K's.

Kyle's number.

What should I do with Kyle's number? Transferring it seemed weird, but not transferring it, just throwing my phone away without recording it, that felt like a loss. An unnecessary loss. And we've had enough of those.

So here:

310.422.5644





310.422.5644


310.422.5644

310.422.5644

310.422.5644
310.422.5644
310.422.5644

2. This will be my first Christmas without a stocking, my first Christmas in New York, the first Christmas I won't have to give my brother a present. The last, I have to say, is a relief.

Kyle was impossible to shop for. He was a semi-socialist who sneered at baubles and only wanted really expensive electronic equipment or music that I could never be cool enough to have heard of.

I bought him novels he wasn't interested in. I bought him art supplies and alcohol.

Now, I won't have to guess at what he'll like. Now, he won't have to assure me that it was fine, really. That he appreciated it.

3. I heard an organ donor story on This American Life last week. A girl who's heart came from a murdered boy finally met his family. I cried louder than I thought I would. I so, so, so very much want to meet the recipients of Kyle's organs.

Someone is walking around with my brother's eyes.

6 comments:

Katie said...

Oh, Miranda. I appreciate you sharing your heart, I am thinking of you and your mom and dad and so many, many others that loved and knew Kyle and miss him so. Please know you're in my thoughts. k

didi979 said...

Mir:

That picture that Della sent and this blog have put me back in tears, huge sighing tears that I haven't had for maybe a month. He was such a beautiful boy . . . and who knows who the man would have been. But you my dear are equally beautiful and so articulate - you have so much to tell . . .

I hope you and your mom and dad can have some bit of peace during this Christmas season. I think you all already know this, but our love is with you always - we miss all of you - please come visit again sometime and stay for as long as you like - and there won't be any need to be thankful for anything, although I know in reality that you are - you are so smart, beautiful and sensitive. The same as the little girl I remember.

I love you with all my heart sweetie,
Aunt Di

Anonymous said...

I love this entry, Mir - Sallie explained to me, the necessity of remembering Kyle as he truly was and is - I hadn't got that about remembering someone we've all lost to death - and now, I appreciate hearing these quirky and zany bits about Kyle.

I wonder what happens if we all ring his # for Christmas???

c. g. said...

if you ring kyle's phone number you should get a message from an operator type that says the account is full or if not just says to leave a message. kyle never made a greeting.

the reason it will go to message? i have not had the heart to turn off his phone. i think my two year commitment is up in january and i'll have to face turning it off. but i still have a number of days . . .

i love you all --cyn/mom

ShannonO said...

Did you ever get to meet the donor recipients? A friend of mine works at an Eye Bank, and once a year they have a donors & recipients luncheon.

Gypsycat said...

I think I was on my third 'new' cell phone before I didn't transfer my Dad's cell phone number over. I think that was about 2 years after his death. He is still listed on a chat program that I use so his name is in the 'not online' list whenever I open it... Some days I just stare at it hoping it will light up to say he's online...