Dog - He's a Bounty Hunter

Do you watch Dog The Bounty Hunter? If so, did you see the absolutely amazing origin story they aired the other night? Oh my god. I mean...

Let me step back. For those of you less familiar with the wonder that is Dog, he and his family are leather-clad, ex-con Hawaiian bounty hunters who believe in absolutely every religious tradition they've ever heard of and adorn themselves with Dreamcatchers. They pray all the time. They hunt down iceheads, throw them to the ground, cuff and cuss at them, haul them into their very black SUVs, and then the most amazing thing happens: Dog lights a cigarette, puts it in the con's mouth, and starts to testify. Like a straight up bare-knuckled front-of-the-room AA baring of his soul. He tells the con to look at this truck ride to jail as an opportunity to regain control over his life, a way to quit drugs, a gift, and he does it all without judgment or condescension. Ten minutes earlier he was holding a motherfucker's face to the ground, and now he's pulling out his cell so this wild-eyed drug addict can tell his girlfriend he's sorry. And the cons love it. They cry, they hug Dog, they thank him for saving their lives and families. They are totally convinced.
And so am I.
Dog is the real deal, and why the show works, what keeps it from being melodramatic, self important, or just plain pathetic is that it's absolutely earnest. There's not a drop of sarcasm or the hint of a sneer anywhere in Dog or his family. His son, Leland, is this close to being a semi-retarded frat boy gym rat, but then we see him give the cons with the same slow explanations and gentle consideration as his dad. Beth, Dog's wife, is this close to being an entitled bitch in diamonds and stilettos, and then she pulls a thirteen year-old girl aside and rocks her in her arms while telling her why daddy going to jail is a good thing. And her breasts? They make mine look like a ballerina's.

Anyway, at long last, the A&E people finally filmed Dog's origin story and man, is it worth it. They have actual footage of Dog saying to an old cop girlfriend (while crying behind his sunglasses), "You can't make a recipe for a Dog without a cup of Cathy Carson."
Later, in reference to a Native American tear-filled pouch he left on his father's grave: "That's a personal thing between me and my daddy."
And, in a unbelievable life-mimics-art comic book moment, Dog recounts the exact second he became Dog, the Bounty Hunter. He was in jail at the time and took off after a runaway prisoner to keep a guard from using his weapon. Dog tackled the guy, held him, and the guard walked over, threw down his cuffs, and said, "Hook 'em up, bounty hunter."
You can't write that shit. No one would believe it.

So Dog, I love you.

Here's a clip of him visiting his father's grave, just like I'll be visiting my brother this weekend. Check out the matching leopard print: