Friday, August 31, 2007

I Hate Bugs

Did you hear about this on NPR today? This is the scariest thing I've seen since Shark Week. Completely, absolutely, terrifyingly scary. And it's in Texas. Lake Tawakoni State Park. Looking at this makes me want to walk around in a bee keeper's suit for the rest of my life.


It's a spider web. A huuuuuuuge spider web made by all these bizarrely communal one-inch spiders. 200 fucking yards of spider web. In the forest.

I feel sick.

But if there's one good thing to be gleaned from this stuff of utter nightmares, it's that in that web are millions upon millions of mosquitoes. Buzzing, struggling mosquitoes trying desperately to escape, to keep the blood from being sucked from their very veins.

What a coincidence.

Mosquitoes love me. To them I'm like maple syrup. Every summer I go to bed knowing that I could wake up with my face swollen like Quasimodo's. I have laid awake hundreds of nights, scratching and cussing and fantasizing about slowly dismembering an endless string of mosquitoes with a magnifying glass and tweezers.

So, while the giant spider web may forever bother me on some visceral, precognitive level, to know it is stuffed with a whole generation of the hypocritical, bloodsucking motherfuckers gives me some solace. A very little bit of solace.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, I cannot resist. Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

It is a You-Tube thingy called "Spiders on Drugs" - hang in with it until the end.

I think you'll like it.

Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Just the gentlest fan blowing across the bed and you're safe from skeeters. They're so light and fragile they can't fly in wind.