Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I Wish I Could Apologize to My Younger Brother For the Way I Treated Him Growing Up

I just discovered PostSecret.blogspot.com. I'm last to the party - it's already been made into four books - but if you also managed to miss it you should go take a look. It's by this guy, Frank Warren, who collects and publishes postcard secrets from people all over the world. It's a really lovely site.

In an introduction to his most recent book, Warren describes a talk he gave on a book tour:

I began my presentation by handing out blank postcards to everyone in the auditorium. I invited each person to anonymously write down a secret on a card and then pass it on. For the next hour, the postcards circulated and were read silently multiple times. At the end of my talk, I asked if anyone would like to stand and read the secret they were holding at that moment. A man in the front row stood up and haltingly read:

I wish I could apologize to my younger brother for the way I treated him growing up.
He sat down and exchanged a long look with the young man next to him. After more volunteers read aloud some of the other secrets that had been passed around, I collected all the cards. The man in the front row handed me the postcard he had read from, and the two men walked out together.

His postcard was blank.
I read that and began to cry.

I'm jealous that some dude and his brother went to a Frank Warren reading and mended their relationship over a blank postcard.

I never apologized to Kyle. I don't know what I was waiting for. I guess I thought I had more time.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aawww, Mir...

Kyle made mistakes too....all the parts of your relationship were rooted in childhoods/personalities/life passages that were intertwined with all manner of things that challenge every sibling relationship...

....you both reached enough of an age of maturity to have known this truth on some level...that neither of you expressed those things to one another before his death is of some consequence....but only if you forever neglect to forgive yourself....Kyle wouldn't like that...at least not for too long.... : )

....i remember seeing the two of you together....i remember the sibling banter....but i also remember that it was quite evident that you loved one another dearly....

...hugs, hun... : )

c. g. said...

i think ky knew what we all knew in our little family of 3. that sometimes you were hard on him, that sometimes he was a pain in the ass to you, that sometimes he was hard on me, that sometimes i didn't expect enough of him, and that maybe i didn't expect enough of you with regard to him. but we all knew/know that it had nothing to do with lack of love, it was "how we are." yeah, i remember him saying, "mir didn't call on my birthday," and me saying, "yeah, that's too bad," but, soon after that, you guys had that great call. if you called him, you made it up to him. if he called you, he was acknowledging that the call was what was important, not who generated it. under all of this was/is love of each other, acceptance for who we are, and forgiveness of transgressions. bottom line: ky was about family. love, acceptance, forgiveness, loyalty. he would tell you right now, "it's all good, mir" because he saw the big picture and he knew what was what.

Anonymous said...

You can apologize to him now. Write him a letter, then burn it. Or go to a place where you can be alone for awhile, and talk to him. You were a good sister, Mir. He loved you very much and he knew you loved him too. Love, Aunt Della

Anonymous said...

Della's comment made me think of this song by Kymani Marley. Excuse the God references and have a box of tissues on hand....

"Dear Dad"

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=545378

I had this foolish poster over my bed when I was 12 years old. It was from Love Story when that movie came out. I grew up and realized the quote was ridiculous. Today however, it seems to be the only words that I can come up with that seem to fit the situation "Love means never having to say your sorry"
( the movie was all about death so perhaps it does make sense after all)

Ted said...

join the club
somewhat less awful is never really knowing if apologies i've made have mitigated the damage caused at all
my feelings of guilt don't seem to be reduced by my apologies either
yours in guilt(real or imagined)
love, u.ted

Anonymous said...

i love everyone in our crazy family so very very much. painfully much right now. and i want to express it to all of you. i want another family reunion. i want peace between everyone. i know we all love each other and the drama and resentment and anger that manifests itself when we get together pails in comparison to what lies beneath, but i am feeling a desperate need to connect to all of you NOW.

devon

ps. Miranda, i hope we can hang out and get to know each other better someday soon. I think about you daily and am overwhelmed by your strength, intelligence, beauty and wit. I am honored to have you as a cousin.

Anonymous said...

....Wow.... : )