Life is Not Measured by the Number of Breaths We Take, But by the Moments that Take Our Breath Away

I'm not a sentimental girl.

Still, I've been crying a lot these days. It's obviously about Kyle on some level, but the triggers tend to be much less sensational. Checking my bank balance, editing a story, or putting my clothes away can get me started. A cheesy father-son embrace on a State Farm commercial. My goddamn cat swiping everything from the top of my dresser to the floor. Any and all of Jay Allison's StoryCorps pieces aired on NPR. In this state I'm in, tragedies are everywhere and I've developed a frightening susceptbility to Hallmark summations of Love, Family, or Sympathy. A Disney movie would have me in waterworks.

Which is why I've started watching The Shield. I've been hearing great things about it for years, but only just started the first season a few weeks ago. It's really good. Like an updated NYPD Blue with a more nuanced set of characters and the Los Angeles backdrop of my childhood. It's violent, though. Rape, torture, murder. Dirty cops, heartless hookers, and in one scene a dude they called "the porcupine" because of all the needles dangling out of his collapsed veins.

Still, I have no problem watching. Even in my delicate state, not a tear, not a flinch. It's the other stuff on TV that gets me going. Show me a lady getting her arm sawed off, I'm cool, but one shot of an oversized Minnie Mouse kneeling down to give some blonde kid an all-inclusive Disney World hug and I need a tissue. Child rape? No problem. A midewestern man on a tractor talking about how proud he was when his son joined the army? Sobs. Killer coke seizures? Turn it up. Mom and daughter making Rice Krispie treats in sepia tones? I need a minute.

It's quite a shift for me. I've always been suspicious, if not downright sneering, of sentimentality. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough at inspirational forwards or cross-stitched wisdom. But then my brother died and suddenly I instinctively understand why grandmothers everywhere collect those little china munchkin figurines. The Lifetime Channel makes sense. I'm in the market for a poster explaining in cursive script what Wisdom Is...

Luckily, I still have 4.5 seasons of The Shield to watch, and there's always despair.com: