Demon Bird Infiltrates NYC

New York City has a new monster. I think.

I've been hearing this weird, chilling, hair-raising noise in the city recently. It sounds kind of like errrAWWW! errrAWWW! but that doesn't do it justice. Call me if you want and I'll do it for you, or just hang around the East Village.

That's where I first noticed it. I thought it was just some asshole being loud - asshole runoff is the village's natural soundscape - but then I heard it again and again, day after day, always in the afternoon, always the same pitch, never dissolving into drunk choking-laughter. So it's either an unbelievably consistent asshole, or a terrifying, leather-taloned, flesh-ripping, fire-eyed birdmonster.

And then, not ten minutes ago, as I sat in my office in Chelsea, I heard the noise again! And for the first time, outside of the village! New York City's newest predator is expanding its territory.

So, dear reader, I need your help. New Yorkers, New Englanders, nature enthusiasts - has anyone else heard this noise? What animal sounds like Satan's MC and can survive on pizza crusts and neon green gutter water? I know we've got hawks in central park, but they don't scream like ancient demons, do they? And this bird is decidedly the downtown sort. What creature would wing past the great green square of the park for a Chelsea construction site?

Though, if I'm being honest, what I really want to know is why I've never heard this noise before. I've been here eight years, and it seems an unfunny coincidence that it's only now, after my brother died, that suddenly I'm being followed by an angry avian scream. I know, I know, it's crazily narcissitic to assume that New York's first supernatural predator since Ghostbusters would someone be linked to my California brother's premature passing. But I can't help it.

So, who knows what's going on? Any hints, theories, or protection spells would be greatly appreciated.